Today I ate an entire chocolate Chicken.
wow. I am doing so well.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Laura: Sprink Break, or, a Temporary Diet Vacation
164 lbs
After an amazing Spring Break trip to New England, I am glad to be back and eating healthy again. My week consisted of rather enjoyable day trips, and some rather indulgent eating habits. Cheesecake in New York City, Mike's Pastries in Boston, bagels for Breakfast, cheeseburgers in Salem, Mass, Ben and Jerry's ice cream...all delicious, yes, but probably a bit overboard. Stomach pains and general discomfort accompanied these eating deicisions, along with a few moments of "Oh my God, why did I just eat all that?"
However, there are no regrets. I learned my lesson about loading up on junk food. But, hey, it was a vacation, and I think that both my roommate and I earned a well-deserved break from dietary restrictions. This probably seems a bit wishy-washy on my part (especially after several entries that were like, "I will not cheat!") but, I have to say I'm glad to be back at school and back on the diet bandwagon for the rest of the semester. I never really realized how good I felt when my body was full of healthy fruits and vegetables. Excessive carbs made me feel sluggish, heavy, and more tired than anything else.
If anything, this vacation helped me understand/realize the postive aspects of this diet. I ate all of the foods I have deprived myself of for several weeks, and realized that I sort of felt better without them. While it was nice to indulge a bit (after all, we were on vacation for crying out loud), it was only temporary. Now, it's time to get back to healthy eating and exercising.
Though, I have to admit, it was an amazing week. And it was so nice to be carefree. No schoolwork, no diet...just lots of museums, adventures, jelly beans, and good company.
After an amazing Spring Break trip to New England, I am glad to be back and eating healthy again. My week consisted of rather enjoyable day trips, and some rather indulgent eating habits. Cheesecake in New York City, Mike's Pastries in Boston, bagels for Breakfast, cheeseburgers in Salem, Mass, Ben and Jerry's ice cream...all delicious, yes, but probably a bit overboard. Stomach pains and general discomfort accompanied these eating deicisions, along with a few moments of "Oh my God, why did I just eat all that?"
However, there are no regrets. I learned my lesson about loading up on junk food. But, hey, it was a vacation, and I think that both my roommate and I earned a well-deserved break from dietary restrictions. This probably seems a bit wishy-washy on my part (especially after several entries that were like, "I will not cheat!") but, I have to say I'm glad to be back at school and back on the diet bandwagon for the rest of the semester. I never really realized how good I felt when my body was full of healthy fruits and vegetables. Excessive carbs made me feel sluggish, heavy, and more tired than anything else.
If anything, this vacation helped me understand/realize the postive aspects of this diet. I ate all of the foods I have deprived myself of for several weeks, and realized that I sort of felt better without them. While it was nice to indulge a bit (after all, we were on vacation for crying out loud), it was only temporary. Now, it's time to get back to healthy eating and exercising.
Though, I have to admit, it was an amazing week. And it was so nice to be carefree. No schoolwork, no diet...just lots of museums, adventures, jelly beans, and good company.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Hannah: A note
Dear Hannah,
No. More. Pie.
Possibly ever.
Now that you've come to realize that high amounts of carbs make you feel really sick, you should definitely avoid them more completely. I think your stomach is less inclined towards big amounts of sugar and carbs and things like that, so when you cheated with a slice of chocolate pie tonight at Perkins, you should have known that you would be feeling really uncomfortable shortly there after.
Yes, it sucks, but it's also for the best.
So, for next time, just remember that it may taste good now, but stomach pain is totally NOT worth it!
Love,
Hannah
No. More. Pie.
Possibly ever.
Now that you've come to realize that high amounts of carbs make you feel really sick, you should definitely avoid them more completely. I think your stomach is less inclined towards big amounts of sugar and carbs and things like that, so when you cheated with a slice of chocolate pie tonight at Perkins, you should have known that you would be feeling really uncomfortable shortly there after.
Yes, it sucks, but it's also for the best.
So, for next time, just remember that it may taste good now, but stomach pain is totally NOT worth it!
Love,
Hannah
Laura: New Modifications
160 lbs
To address the concerns of those who think I might die on this diet, and in light of recent events, I have made the following modifications:
1. The addition of more protein (eggs, chicken, fish)
2. The addition of a daily work out
3. A daily meal schedule (3 meals a day, one snack in the evening at consistent times)
4. The addition of multivitamins
5. The addition of skim milk in coffee (to increase dairy intake)
Cheating is reserved for special occasions. Mind you, cheating now means eating a sandwich, munching on a carbohydrate, or drinking a glass of soda. Cheating does not entail eating a cheeseburger or a piece of pizza or things of that nature. And special occasions means special occasions, not "Oh, well, it's Tuesday, so I'll have a sandwich." Special occasions are limited to events such as Holidays, Birthdays, Opening Night Galas, and things of that nature. Of course, if the world is falling apart, a slice of bread or a spoonful of peanut butter is probably acceptable.
Working out has definitely boosted my morale (though today, fitting in a work out may be difficult). I leave the gym feeling great, proactive, and pretty good about myself. My body is falling back into the routine of exercising daily (or, as close to daily as possible), and I've started taking longer routes to classes to burn some extra calories. Once the weather is nicer, some outdoor activities (such as tennis with my roommate) will prove to be fun means of physical activity. Things are on the ups. Despite the stress I am feeling right now as the result of some silly social drama, I am proud of myself for not dealing with it with a pint of ice cream. I'm starting to feel better about myself and though the weight loss has been slow and steady up until this point, I can't help but get excited as my jeans start to fit better.
To address the concerns of those who think I might die on this diet, and in light of recent events, I have made the following modifications:
1. The addition of more protein (eggs, chicken, fish)
2. The addition of a daily work out
3. A daily meal schedule (3 meals a day, one snack in the evening at consistent times)
4. The addition of multivitamins
5. The addition of skim milk in coffee (to increase dairy intake)
Cheating is reserved for special occasions. Mind you, cheating now means eating a sandwich, munching on a carbohydrate, or drinking a glass of soda. Cheating does not entail eating a cheeseburger or a piece of pizza or things of that nature. And special occasions means special occasions, not "Oh, well, it's Tuesday, so I'll have a sandwich." Special occasions are limited to events such as Holidays, Birthdays, Opening Night Galas, and things of that nature. Of course, if the world is falling apart, a slice of bread or a spoonful of peanut butter is probably acceptable.
Working out has definitely boosted my morale (though today, fitting in a work out may be difficult). I leave the gym feeling great, proactive, and pretty good about myself. My body is falling back into the routine of exercising daily (or, as close to daily as possible), and I've started taking longer routes to classes to burn some extra calories. Once the weather is nicer, some outdoor activities (such as tennis with my roommate) will prove to be fun means of physical activity. Things are on the ups. Despite the stress I am feeling right now as the result of some silly social drama, I am proud of myself for not dealing with it with a pint of ice cream. I'm starting to feel better about myself and though the weight loss has been slow and steady up until this point, I can't help but get excited as my jeans start to fit better.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Hannah: Adaptation
weight: I was 119 this morning.
As previously mentioned, dieting is hard.
As previously mentioned, I am very bad at dieting.
As previously mentioned, real dieting makes me miserable and lethargic.
So, I have decided that to make this diet work for me, it requires some adaptation.
Changes:
- More protein! Chicken is okay! and delicious, and quite healthy.
- Exercise! Especially now that it's slowly beginning to get warmer, head to the gym. Play tennis. Crunch.
- Occasionally, eat those things which make you happy. Probably not doughnuts and ice cream, but a wrap once in a while won't kill you. Make wise choices here. A burger very rarely is fine. Happy-foods are worth eating. Fat is not.
- Keep up with those salads! Just because the rules have loosened up doesn't mean you should take advantage. Bad days are days for chicken caesar wraps. Good, happy, healthy days should be salads and fruit and yogurt. There is no need to eat too much EVER.
I'm doing well on the Healthy-Eating-Habits front, and will keep that up. These adaptations and wriggles around the rules are for special occasions. When going out to dinner with friends, or on Sloppy Joe day at the CDR. But then, only half the bun is necessary.
Much more attainable for me. And with the addition of exercise, I feel that most things will balance out.
Happiness. Yes. This is nice.
As previously mentioned, dieting is hard.
As previously mentioned, I am very bad at dieting.
As previously mentioned, real dieting makes me miserable and lethargic.
So, I have decided that to make this diet work for me, it requires some adaptation.
Changes:
- More protein! Chicken is okay! and delicious, and quite healthy.
- Exercise! Especially now that it's slowly beginning to get warmer, head to the gym. Play tennis. Crunch.
- Occasionally, eat those things which make you happy. Probably not doughnuts and ice cream, but a wrap once in a while won't kill you. Make wise choices here. A burger very rarely is fine. Happy-foods are worth eating. Fat is not.
- Keep up with those salads! Just because the rules have loosened up doesn't mean you should take advantage. Bad days are days for chicken caesar wraps. Good, happy, healthy days should be salads and fruit and yogurt. There is no need to eat too much EVER.
I'm doing well on the Healthy-Eating-Habits front, and will keep that up. These adaptations and wriggles around the rules are for special occasions. When going out to dinner with friends, or on Sloppy Joe day at the CDR. But then, only half the bun is necessary.
Much more attainable for me. And with the addition of exercise, I feel that most things will balance out.
Happiness. Yes. This is nice.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Laura: A Bit of Cheating, A Lot of Stress
160 lbs
Things I've eaten in the past five days that I shouldn't have:
2 brownies
2 slices of pizza
bacon salad dressing (which was probably worth a million calories)
3 french fries
6 tator tots
2 peppermint patties
1 mini hershey bar
1 glass of diet dr. pepper
1 bite of french toast
1 cappucino (full fat content)
While I'm sure that the diet Gods (or even worse, Christian Bale) aren't going to reach down from the heavens and strike me dead, I still feel sort of bad for cheating a lot these past five days or so. Mostly, I've fallen into a routine: salad and a piece of fruit for lunch, salad and a piece of fruit for dinner, coffee mid-day, and popcorn in the evening as a snack while I'm studying. But right now, I'm unbelievably stressed out, and all I want to do is eat a bagel. I want to eat a bagel. Smothered in cream cheese. Yum.
I keep telling myself that once I reach my goal weight (which is still like 20lbs away), I can slowly re-introduce foods like sandwiches, cereal, and other more exciting foods back into my diets. There are still foods that I will definitely stay away from (i.e. pizza, donuts, excessive amounts of pasta, etc). But I keep on pushing forward, reminding myself that this lifestyle is not forever. This is a means to an end. Someday, I will be able to eat the occasional bagel, but also possess the ability to say no to horribly unhealthy foods. While this diet is extreme now, it will become less extreme in the future.
I realized how hard this diet is when everyone around me is indifferent. While I still have the support of my roommate, I feel like I don't have the support of my other friends. They all laugh and eat burgers in front of me and tell me that diets are stupid. But all of my friends are skinny. All of them are thin and beautiful and have no idea how humiliating it is to be fat. All of them can find significant others easily, can wear slinky dresses, and get constant compliments. I don't think anyone really understands how much I hate being overweight. I look at pictures of myself and feel uncomfortable pangs of disgust. I go to parties and feel gross. I'm 20 years old, I've never been hit on, I've never been out on a date, and I've never been told I'm good-looking. While I don't live my life waiting around for people to shower me with praise, it is very hard to feel ugly all the time.
I'm not going to give up, because I've been unhappy with myself for too long. Sure, food tastes good, food is comforting, food is enjoyable...but I've depended on it for my whole life and it has never brought me anything but temporary comfort. I don't want to feel disgusted with myself anymore. I want to be able to walk into a room with confidence instead of shame. I have the power to change. And if it gets to the point where no one cares or no one supports me in this endeavor, I don't care. I'm still going to try with every fiber of my being to lose these 20 pounds. I can do it.
I can do it. I will do it.
Things I've eaten in the past five days that I shouldn't have:
2 brownies
2 slices of pizza
bacon salad dressing (which was probably worth a million calories)
3 french fries
6 tator tots
2 peppermint patties
1 mini hershey bar
1 glass of diet dr. pepper
1 bite of french toast
1 cappucino (full fat content)
While I'm sure that the diet Gods (or even worse, Christian Bale) aren't going to reach down from the heavens and strike me dead, I still feel sort of bad for cheating a lot these past five days or so. Mostly, I've fallen into a routine: salad and a piece of fruit for lunch, salad and a piece of fruit for dinner, coffee mid-day, and popcorn in the evening as a snack while I'm studying. But right now, I'm unbelievably stressed out, and all I want to do is eat a bagel. I want to eat a bagel. Smothered in cream cheese. Yum.
I keep telling myself that once I reach my goal weight (which is still like 20lbs away), I can slowly re-introduce foods like sandwiches, cereal, and other more exciting foods back into my diets. There are still foods that I will definitely stay away from (i.e. pizza, donuts, excessive amounts of pasta, etc). But I keep on pushing forward, reminding myself that this lifestyle is not forever. This is a means to an end. Someday, I will be able to eat the occasional bagel, but also possess the ability to say no to horribly unhealthy foods. While this diet is extreme now, it will become less extreme in the future.
I realized how hard this diet is when everyone around me is indifferent. While I still have the support of my roommate, I feel like I don't have the support of my other friends. They all laugh and eat burgers in front of me and tell me that diets are stupid. But all of my friends are skinny. All of them are thin and beautiful and have no idea how humiliating it is to be fat. All of them can find significant others easily, can wear slinky dresses, and get constant compliments. I don't think anyone really understands how much I hate being overweight. I look at pictures of myself and feel uncomfortable pangs of disgust. I go to parties and feel gross. I'm 20 years old, I've never been hit on, I've never been out on a date, and I've never been told I'm good-looking. While I don't live my life waiting around for people to shower me with praise, it is very hard to feel ugly all the time.
I'm not going to give up, because I've been unhappy with myself for too long. Sure, food tastes good, food is comforting, food is enjoyable...but I've depended on it for my whole life and it has never brought me anything but temporary comfort. I don't want to feel disgusted with myself anymore. I want to be able to walk into a room with confidence instead of shame. I have the power to change. And if it gets to the point where no one cares or no one supports me in this endeavor, I don't care. I'm still going to try with every fiber of my being to lose these 20 pounds. I can do it.
I can do it. I will do it.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Hannah: This is not getting easier for me.
Weight: somewhere around 120.
While I appreciate the idea that eventually, I will not want to cheat, in theory, I thought I would be feeling those sorts of things by now. I am not. Not at all. Not even a little bit. I am very proud of my lovely roommate for really enjoying salads, and really wanting to eat salads, but... I'm not there. And I don't feel like I'm getting there. This diet remains as painful now as it was at day 1. Salads are boring to eat. They don't taste all that good. And I never grew to like salads with a lot of stuff on them. I'm simple that way.
I think stress eating for me was never really about stress. It was about enjoying food and enjoying moments and enjoying life. I eat/ate unhealthy foods because... they taste so good. And good tasting foods are sometimes very satisfying. And yes, sometimes good food really does make me happier. A solid, hearty, warm meal can really lift my spirits. A delicious sandwich can take a bad day and make it brighter. A good burger can make me feel genuinely happy.
Over Christmas Holiday, and spent a lot of time making sandwiches and then taking them down into my room with me, curling into bed, and watching a movie while eating a turkey sandwich. And I was happy. So happy.
While I don't miss the "Oh God, why did I eat that?" moments, I do miss the "That was a perfect, wonderful, filling, delightful meal" moments. Cutting out the late night doughnuts was a good idea, cutting out dinners with friends at restaurants, where I can eat the foods that genuinely make me happy? That was not a good idea.
Perhaps... this diet is not for me. Not in this form. Daily eating habits should remain the same. But sometimes... eating for the sake of happiness is worthwhile. and necessary.
While I appreciate the idea that eventually, I will not want to cheat, in theory, I thought I would be feeling those sorts of things by now. I am not. Not at all. Not even a little bit. I am very proud of my lovely roommate for really enjoying salads, and really wanting to eat salads, but... I'm not there. And I don't feel like I'm getting there. This diet remains as painful now as it was at day 1. Salads are boring to eat. They don't taste all that good. And I never grew to like salads with a lot of stuff on them. I'm simple that way.
I think stress eating for me was never really about stress. It was about enjoying food and enjoying moments and enjoying life. I eat/ate unhealthy foods because... they taste so good. And good tasting foods are sometimes very satisfying. And yes, sometimes good food really does make me happier. A solid, hearty, warm meal can really lift my spirits. A delicious sandwich can take a bad day and make it brighter. A good burger can make me feel genuinely happy.
Over Christmas Holiday, and spent a lot of time making sandwiches and then taking them down into my room with me, curling into bed, and watching a movie while eating a turkey sandwich. And I was happy. So happy.
While I don't miss the "Oh God, why did I eat that?" moments, I do miss the "That was a perfect, wonderful, filling, delightful meal" moments. Cutting out the late night doughnuts was a good idea, cutting out dinners with friends at restaurants, where I can eat the foods that genuinely make me happy? That was not a good idea.
Perhaps... this diet is not for me. Not in this form. Daily eating habits should remain the same. But sometimes... eating for the sake of happiness is worthwhile. and necessary.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Laura: Going Green to be Pretty in Pink
161 lbs
This endeavor has been working out much better than I had expected, and I'm already pleased with the results. I have a long road ahead of me, but hey, I'm in for the long haul (which, I think I've mentioned numerous times already). Sure, I'm dreaming of the day where I can eat a bagel or munch on some french fries, but right now I can do without the guilt and feelings of disgust.
I have, believe it or not, actually become quite fond of salads. I find that with each passing day, the desire to eat unhealthy food diminishes. True, sometimes I would love to devour a cheeseburger with a side of pizza, but I'm getting to the point where I feel good about what I'm eating and what I'm doing. I know I haven't quite reached the hunger induced euphoria of our good friend Christian Bale, but I feel content with what I'm putting into my body and it's a great feeling to not feel pangs of guilt after every meal.
This endeavor has been working out much better than I had expected, and I'm already pleased with the results. I have a long road ahead of me, but hey, I'm in for the long haul (which, I think I've mentioned numerous times already). Sure, I'm dreaming of the day where I can eat a bagel or munch on some french fries, but right now I can do without the guilt and feelings of disgust. In my neverending search for motivation, I have found the cutest dress in the entire world that I am thinking about intentionally buying in a smaller size so I am even more encouraged to stick with this.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Laura: Happiness Isn't at the Bottom of a Pint of Ice Cream
165 lbs (I must have weighed myself at a very inconvenient time last week. Probably after eating a ton of pasta from the Olive Garden in a series of "last meals" with my roommate).
I thought that perhaps this diet was going to cause me to spiral into some sort of deep depression, but quite the opposite has happened. Though I occasionally find myself standing over boxes of pizza, inhaling its intoxicating scent, I am quite proud of the fact that I’ve gone five whole days without cheating. I feel like perhaps the worst is almost over, and by the middle of next week I won’t go to sleep at night longing for a huge bowl of mashed potatoes with a side of pancakes. Someday soon I’ll stop staring longingly at the grill in the CDR, practically salivating over the mere idea of a chicken patty. I’ll be able to drive past Tim Horton’s without feeling compelled to stop in for a Maple Dip Donut. Someday in the very near future, I’ll stop fretting about what I’m not eating and enjoy the things I am consuming. There’s a turning point in the near future. Someday, an orange will become more appetizing than a piece of pizza. A salad will become more appealing than a steak.
Ultimately, I don’t think happiness needs to stem from the food I am eating. To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever felt great after eating junk food. Eating a huge dinner at the Olive Garden is fun while it lasts, but when you’re about to burst, you sort of just feel like shit instead of feeling good. Stress eating (aka stuffing your face with half a bag of chips while trying to study for a midterm) ultimately leads to feelings of “Why did I just eat that?”
I feel like perhaps happiness will stem from a positive self image. Satisfaction will most likely come when I have conquered my cravings for an entire pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. When I can look in the mirror and feel attractive, when someone tells me I look good, when I can finally write on an audition form that I would be willing to appear on stage in my underwear, I won’t care that I haven’t eaten bread in a really long time. I am trying to establish a new lifestyle: one that isn’t defined by what I eat. My day should not revolve around food. There is so much more to life than a burger and fries. Sure, those things are good, they taste good, but I don’t need them to be happy.
I am firm in my convictions. This is not a passing fancy. I’m in it for the long haul.
I thought that perhaps this diet was going to cause me to spiral into some sort of deep depression, but quite the opposite has happened. Though I occasionally find myself standing over boxes of pizza, inhaling its intoxicating scent, I am quite proud of the fact that I’ve gone five whole days without cheating. I feel like perhaps the worst is almost over, and by the middle of next week I won’t go to sleep at night longing for a huge bowl of mashed potatoes with a side of pancakes. Someday soon I’ll stop staring longingly at the grill in the CDR, practically salivating over the mere idea of a chicken patty. I’ll be able to drive past Tim Horton’s without feeling compelled to stop in for a Maple Dip Donut. Someday in the very near future, I’ll stop fretting about what I’m not eating and enjoy the things I am consuming. There’s a turning point in the near future. Someday, an orange will become more appetizing than a piece of pizza. A salad will become more appealing than a steak.
Ultimately, I don’t think happiness needs to stem from the food I am eating. To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever felt great after eating junk food. Eating a huge dinner at the Olive Garden is fun while it lasts, but when you’re about to burst, you sort of just feel like shit instead of feeling good. Stress eating (aka stuffing your face with half a bag of chips while trying to study for a midterm) ultimately leads to feelings of “Why did I just eat that?”
I feel like perhaps happiness will stem from a positive self image. Satisfaction will most likely come when I have conquered my cravings for an entire pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. When I can look in the mirror and feel attractive, when someone tells me I look good, when I can finally write on an audition form that I would be willing to appear on stage in my underwear, I won’t care that I haven’t eaten bread in a really long time. I am trying to establish a new lifestyle: one that isn’t defined by what I eat. My day should not revolve around food. There is so much more to life than a burger and fries. Sure, those things are good, they taste good, but I don’t need them to be happy.
I am firm in my convictions. This is not a passing fancy. I’m in it for the long haul.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Hannah: Day 4
Weight: 120 (wtf rapid weight fluctuation!?)
Food Today:
1 cup yogurt
1 cup tea
1 small salad
2 bananas
1 small caesar salad at Applebees.
Note to Self:
DO NOT GO TO RESTAURANTS.
It will break your heart. There is something completely awful in going to a restaurant and looking at the menu, and at the people around you, and seeing all these things that you know are completely delicious, and not being able to eat them. It. Is. Horrible.
Sitting in the Applebee's tonight, that caesar salad was not at all enough. I wanted a burger with those wonderful fries. I wanted hot apple cobbler.I wanted my croutons for god's sake! I wanted meat and carbs and things that taste good.
I am miserable without things that taste beautiful. This is my curse.
Food Today:
1 cup yogurt
1 cup tea
1 small salad
2 bananas
1 small caesar salad at Applebees.
Note to Self:
DO NOT GO TO RESTAURANTS.
It will break your heart. There is something completely awful in going to a restaurant and looking at the menu, and at the people around you, and seeing all these things that you know are completely delicious, and not being able to eat them. It. Is. Horrible.
Sitting in the Applebee's tonight, that caesar salad was not at all enough. I wanted a burger with those wonderful fries. I wanted hot apple cobbler.I wanted my croutons for god's sake! I wanted meat and carbs and things that taste good.
I am miserable without things that taste beautiful. This is my curse.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Laura: Haiku to Replace Actual Food
Oh how I miss carbs
Bread, pasta, bagels, crackers
I think I might cry.
Pizza, oh pizza
With cheese and pepperoni
My fallen comrade.
Dear Doctor Pepper
Oh so fizzy in my cup
I bid you adieu.
Lettuce, oh lettuce
My newfound lovely friend
You are a delight.
Bread, pasta, bagels, crackers
I think I might cry.
Pizza, oh pizza
With cheese and pepperoni
My fallen comrade.
Dear Doctor Pepper
Oh so fizzy in my cup
I bid you adieu.
Lettuce, oh lettuce
My newfound lovely friend
You are a delight.
Hannah: Day 2
Weight: 132 lbs
Food Today:
2 small salads
3 bananas
2 string cheeses
1 1/2 cups Mocha/Hot Chocolate/who knows what it was, it was gross.
1 cup juice
4 glasses of water (ish. maybe more)
This is a diet I am undertaking for shallow reasons. I am desperate to be thin and beautiful. I used to be. Mind, it's not like I'm fat now. I'm just... pudgy, and very displeased with that. I know that beautiful girls are skinny, and guys like beautiful girls. I know that I only properly feel beautiful when good about myself when I'm skinny. I used to have a flat stomach. I used to have thin thighs. I used to be able to count my ribs, and I never felt like that under-chin area was getting fat.
My body does not look good with all this exra weight. I feel disgusting, and when I look at myself, the image isn't any more comforting.
This is not a diet for health reasons. I'm not fat. I'm not unhealthy. I don't need to lose weight. I eat an alright diet, but it could (and will) be better.
In many ways, this is mostly a diet for happiness. When I'm happy with my body, I will be happier with myself in general. I know, because that's how it used to be, and I remember. With all this weight, I rarely feel that I look good, and mainly feel miserable. I'm very self conscious. I've stopped wearing my gorgeous fitted v-necks in favor of looser garments.
And I miss my v-necks. I miss my flat stomach and thin thin thighs. I miss my delicate neck and my ribs.
I was happy at 115 lbs. I was even happier at 110. And I am determined to be happy again.
The problem is as follows: I love food. I eat when I'm bored, anxious, nervous... I love Chinese food and burgers and chicken salad sandwiches. The temptation is awful. I miss sandwiches so much. And of course now is when the CDR decides to start making food I actually want to eat, and curly fries all the time. Damn!
And yes, I could chew gum, but there is something infinitely more satisfying in really eating. In swallowing and ingesting. No amount of gum or water will be able to create that same feeling a sandwich will.
I only wish there was a good I could eat without guilt. Something I could eat and eat and snack upon, and it would be delicious and satisfying, but it would add no calories, no fat, no nothing to me. I wish this just so I could feel that satisfaction of eating without ruining my diet and becoming a walrus.
But enough of such wishful thinking.
I must exhibit self control. I will not cheat, not matter how much I want to, no matter how tempting that chicken caesar wrap seems. I will lose weight. I will be happy with myself again.
I am determined.
Food Today:
2 small salads
3 bananas
2 string cheeses
1 1/2 cups Mocha/Hot Chocolate/who knows what it was, it was gross.
1 cup juice
4 glasses of water (ish. maybe more)
This is a diet I am undertaking for shallow reasons. I am desperate to be thin and beautiful. I used to be. Mind, it's not like I'm fat now. I'm just... pudgy, and very displeased with that. I know that beautiful girls are skinny, and guys like beautiful girls. I know that I only properly feel beautiful when good about myself when I'm skinny. I used to have a flat stomach. I used to have thin thighs. I used to be able to count my ribs, and I never felt like that under-chin area was getting fat.
My body does not look good with all this exra weight. I feel disgusting, and when I look at myself, the image isn't any more comforting.
This is not a diet for health reasons. I'm not fat. I'm not unhealthy. I don't need to lose weight. I eat an alright diet, but it could (and will) be better.
In many ways, this is mostly a diet for happiness. When I'm happy with my body, I will be happier with myself in general. I know, because that's how it used to be, and I remember. With all this weight, I rarely feel that I look good, and mainly feel miserable. I'm very self conscious. I've stopped wearing my gorgeous fitted v-necks in favor of looser garments.
And I miss my v-necks. I miss my flat stomach and thin thin thighs. I miss my delicate neck and my ribs.
I was happy at 115 lbs. I was even happier at 110. And I am determined to be happy again.
The problem is as follows: I love food. I eat when I'm bored, anxious, nervous... I love Chinese food and burgers and chicken salad sandwiches. The temptation is awful. I miss sandwiches so much. And of course now is when the CDR decides to start making food I actually want to eat, and curly fries all the time. Damn!
And yes, I could chew gum, but there is something infinitely more satisfying in really eating. In swallowing and ingesting. No amount of gum or water will be able to create that same feeling a sandwich will.
I only wish there was a good I could eat without guilt. Something I could eat and eat and snack upon, and it would be delicious and satisfying, but it would add no calories, no fat, no nothing to me. I wish this just so I could feel that satisfaction of eating without ruining my diet and becoming a walrus.
But enough of such wishful thinking.
I must exhibit self control. I will not cheat, not matter how much I want to, no matter how tempting that chicken caesar wrap seems. I will lose weight. I will be happy with myself again.
I am determined.
Diet Haiku:
Dear Delicious Food:
Stop being so damn tasty
you're killing me here.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Laura: An Introduction
175lbs
As I stepped onto the scale earlier this morning, a wave of panic swept over me as I realized that I had finally gained the freshman fifteen. This bothered me for several reasons:
1. I am a sophomore.
2. My jeans aren’t fitting as well.
3. Fifteen can easily turn into twenty. Or thirty.
4. Did I mention that my jeans don’t fit?
The road to being overweight has been one cluttered with donuts, excessive carbohydrates, late night fast food runs, extra helpings of pasta in the CDR, and of course Dominoes Pizza. Speedway mochas, 2 liters of Dr. Pepper, Chipotle Burritos, bagels…my list, long and delicious, goes on and on. I never thought about it much before. I thought, you know, that overeating would somehow still allow me to maintain the same body weight. False. Eating six donuts in the span of six hours=thunder thighs. There’s no way to escape the inevitable.
I’m about to get real here. Weight has always been something I’ve been self conscious about. I’d like to think that I maintain a fairly active lifestyle, and I enjoy exercising. Unfortunately, with the addition of a job, harder classes, and a hearty helping of theatrical involvement to my sophomore year, going to the gym is difficult. I’ve always been on the bigger side. I don’t think I’ve ever been thin, except for maybe when I was between the ages of 4 and 8. In fact, my mom used to call me skinny Minnie. Now, I’m like a gelatinous mass, so far removed from skinny Minnie it’s not even funny. I’d like to be able to blame it on the steroids I took for my asthma as a kid, the antidepressants I took as a teenager, and my large bone structure. Unfortunately, I can’t. When I’m unhappy, I eat. And trust me, when life sucks, a piece of cake is so much better than carrot sticks. No, I can only blame myself for my current state of blubbery-ness. Up until now, I have eaten like crap. Now, things are about to change.
This is where our good friend and role model Christian Bale comes in. While preparing for his role as Trevor Reznik in The Machinist, Bale ate nothing but a can of tuna and an apple a day in order to drop down to 120 pounds. In order to curb his appetite, he took up smoking and drank nonfat lattes. According to imdb.com (the most reliable source when it comes to just about anything), Bale would often find himself in a state of euphoria due to the lack of nutrients entering his body. Taking Bale’s idea and modifying it slightly, my roommate and I have decided to embark on a similar diet. However, there are some fundamental differences. We will not be starving ourselves, for one. I feel like instead of experiencing euphoria, we would be experiencing trips to the Emergency Room.
THE CHRISTIAN BALE DIET
1 cup coffee, black
1 apple
1 can of tuna, drained
Lots and lots of cigarettes
A large paycheck waiting at the other end
THE CHRISTIAN BALE DIET, SLIGHTLY MODIFIED TO PREVENT DEATH
1 cup low fat yogurt
1 apple
1 banana
1 orange
1 low fat cheese stick
Celery sticks or baby carrots
1 mini-bag low fat popcorn
Cherry tomatoes
Lettuce w/ non fat dressing
Coffee w/ non dairy creamer and no-calorie sweetener
Strawberries
Sugar fee trident gum (to replace the cigarettes)
THE RULES
1. Eat when hungry. Starvation is bad.
2. Drink a lot of water. If water tastes like crap, drink crystal light. It’s only 5 calories per bottle of water.
3. No cheating.
4. No eating after 10pm.
5. NO CHEATING
Sounds relatively easy, right? Wrong. This is day two, folks, and I’m sitting here discontent, desperately wanting a piece of bread. I am finding it very hard to divorce carbohydrates. I love them oh-so-much. Chocolate I can live without. But bread? No more sandwiches, no more pasta, no nothing. I suddenly doubt my decision. Day two, and I’m already considering giving up. But the glory days of Skinny Minnie are perhaps about to return, and this interesting exercise in self restraint will perhaps lead to some interesting self discovery.
I'm about to get real again. While it is true that I would love to possess the ability to wear slinky dresses, shorts, and perhaps even a two piece bathing suit, I'd like to think that I'm doing this for more than just superficial reasons. For once, I'm going to finish what I've started, and stick with this and see where it goes. It is not my intention to, you know, end up in a hospital weighing 76 pounds or something like that. This may not exactly be a flashy, fancy-shmancy diet, but it might lead to some entertaining predicaments and hopefully some desired results.
As I stepped onto the scale earlier this morning, a wave of panic swept over me as I realized that I had finally gained the freshman fifteen. This bothered me for several reasons:
1. I am a sophomore.
2. My jeans aren’t fitting as well.
3. Fifteen can easily turn into twenty. Or thirty.
4. Did I mention that my jeans don’t fit?
The road to being overweight has been one cluttered with donuts, excessive carbohydrates, late night fast food runs, extra helpings of pasta in the CDR, and of course Dominoes Pizza. Speedway mochas, 2 liters of Dr. Pepper, Chipotle Burritos, bagels…my list, long and delicious, goes on and on. I never thought about it much before. I thought, you know, that overeating would somehow still allow me to maintain the same body weight. False. Eating six donuts in the span of six hours=thunder thighs. There’s no way to escape the inevitable.
I’m about to get real here. Weight has always been something I’ve been self conscious about. I’d like to think that I maintain a fairly active lifestyle, and I enjoy exercising. Unfortunately, with the addition of a job, harder classes, and a hearty helping of theatrical involvement to my sophomore year, going to the gym is difficult. I’ve always been on the bigger side. I don’t think I’ve ever been thin, except for maybe when I was between the ages of 4 and 8. In fact, my mom used to call me skinny Minnie. Now, I’m like a gelatinous mass, so far removed from skinny Minnie it’s not even funny. I’d like to be able to blame it on the steroids I took for my asthma as a kid, the antidepressants I took as a teenager, and my large bone structure. Unfortunately, I can’t. When I’m unhappy, I eat. And trust me, when life sucks, a piece of cake is so much better than carrot sticks. No, I can only blame myself for my current state of blubbery-ness. Up until now, I have eaten like crap. Now, things are about to change.
This is where our good friend and role model Christian Bale comes in. While preparing for his role as Trevor Reznik in The Machinist, Bale ate nothing but a can of tuna and an apple a day in order to drop down to 120 pounds. In order to curb his appetite, he took up smoking and drank nonfat lattes. According to imdb.com (the most reliable source when it comes to just about anything), Bale would often find himself in a state of euphoria due to the lack of nutrients entering his body. Taking Bale’s idea and modifying it slightly, my roommate and I have decided to embark on a similar diet. However, there are some fundamental differences. We will not be starving ourselves, for one. I feel like instead of experiencing euphoria, we would be experiencing trips to the Emergency Room.
THE CHRISTIAN BALE DIET
1 cup coffee, black
1 apple
1 can of tuna, drained
Lots and lots of cigarettes
A large paycheck waiting at the other end
THE CHRISTIAN BALE DIET, SLIGHTLY MODIFIED TO PREVENT DEATH
1 cup low fat yogurt
1 apple
1 banana
1 orange
1 low fat cheese stick
Celery sticks or baby carrots
1 mini-bag low fat popcorn
Cherry tomatoes
Lettuce w/ non fat dressing
Coffee w/ non dairy creamer and no-calorie sweetener
Strawberries
Sugar fee trident gum (to replace the cigarettes)
THE RULES
1. Eat when hungry. Starvation is bad.
2. Drink a lot of water. If water tastes like crap, drink crystal light. It’s only 5 calories per bottle of water.
3. No cheating.
4. No eating after 10pm.
5. NO CHEATING
Sounds relatively easy, right? Wrong. This is day two, folks, and I’m sitting here discontent, desperately wanting a piece of bread. I am finding it very hard to divorce carbohydrates. I love them oh-so-much. Chocolate I can live without. But bread? No more sandwiches, no more pasta, no nothing. I suddenly doubt my decision. Day two, and I’m already considering giving up. But the glory days of Skinny Minnie are perhaps about to return, and this interesting exercise in self restraint will perhaps lead to some interesting self discovery.
I'm about to get real again. While it is true that I would love to possess the ability to wear slinky dresses, shorts, and perhaps even a two piece bathing suit, I'd like to think that I'm doing this for more than just superficial reasons. For once, I'm going to finish what I've started, and stick with this and see where it goes. It is not my intention to, you know, end up in a hospital weighing 76 pounds or something like that. This may not exactly be a flashy, fancy-shmancy diet, but it might lead to some entertaining predicaments and hopefully some desired results.
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