Hannah: This is not getting easier for me.

Weight: somewhere around 120.

While I appreciate the idea that eventually, I will not want to cheat, in theory, I thought I would be feeling those sorts of things by now. I am not. Not at all. Not even a little bit. I am very proud of my lovely roommate for really enjoying salads, and really wanting to eat salads, but... I'm not there. And I don't feel like I'm getting there. This diet remains as painful now as it was at day 1. Salads are boring to eat. They don't taste all that good. And I never grew to like salads with a lot of stuff on them. I'm simple that way.

I think stress eating for me was never really about stress. It was about enjoying food and enjoying moments and enjoying life. I eat/ate unhealthy foods because... they taste so good. And good tasting foods are sometimes very satisfying. And yes, sometimes good food really does make me happier. A solid, hearty, warm meal can really lift my spirits. A delicious sandwich can take a bad day and make it brighter. A good burger can make me feel genuinely happy.

Over Christmas Holiday, and spent a lot of time making sandwiches and then taking them down into my room with me, curling into bed, and watching a movie while eating a turkey sandwich. And I was happy. So happy.

While I don't miss the "Oh God, why did I eat that?" moments, I do miss the "That was a perfect, wonderful, filling, delightful meal" moments. Cutting out the late night doughnuts was a good idea, cutting out dinners with friends at restaurants, where I can eat the foods that genuinely make me happy? That was not a good idea.

Perhaps... this diet is not for me. Not in this form. Daily eating habits should remain the same. But sometimes... eating for the sake of happiness is worthwhile. and necessary.